Remember the show “Kids Say the Darndest Things” with Art Linkletter?  That always got me and the family laughing.  I documented plenty of funny lines spoken by my own kids (all of whom are adults now) and a while back, I stumbled upon one of those lists with some of the darndest things that my four kids said growing up.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

• Two-year-old Kayla once looked into my eyes and asked, “Dad, why do you have cracks in your eyes?”  She was referring to the red blood vessels in my eyes.

• At about the same age, Kayla had gotten up from bed to go to the bathroom, and Mom was helping her.  Kayla asked, “Mom, why is Dad watching TV with a spoon?”  I was caught eating ice cream, and she could hear the spoon scraping the bowl.

• Kayla asked Mom if she could have some honey for the pizza crust.  Mom said, “Maybe.”  Hayden piped in and said, “That means no.”

• When Dexter was 5, we were eating Chinese food and when he got his fortune cookie, he said, “I wonder what my past is?”

• When Tate was 6, he and I were headed to get my car at a repair garage.  I had told Tate that yesterday, there was a dog behind the counter when I was there dropping off my car.  Then I told him that tomorrow, we were all going to see President Bush, and I asked him if he would like to go.  Tate said, “Yeah, I would like to see him, but I really want to see the dog.”

• Later that year, Tate ate some spicy salsa, and drank something to cool his mouth down.  He said, “Now my breath doesn’t hurt anymore.”

• We went to Six Flags when Dexter was 6, and he was about 2 inches too short for a big rollercoaster he wanted to ride with the rest of us.  He knew we were planning to return the next day, so while Dexter and I waited for the others to finish the ride, Dexter asked, “Dad, will I be tall enough tomorrow to go on it?”

• Dexter was 7 and somehow the subject of adoption had come up at dinner, so we were discussing why kids are put up for adoption.  I said that sometimes the parents die in an accident or something.  Dexter asked if he would be put up for adoption if we died.  Mom said, “We have lots of family and friends who would take care of you.”  Dexter was very serious, thought for a moment, and said, “But I don’t know their telephone numbers.”


• When Hayden was around 5 years old, we went to a UNR basketball game. Wolfie, the UNR mascot (a person dressed up in a wolf suit), was there. I took Hayden over to say hi to Wolfie, and we were up a little higher than Wolfie on some stairs.  When Hayden got to shake his hand, he was able to, from that angle, see the guy inside the suit.  Hayden said, “Hims not a wolf, hims a man.”  (By the way, that is exactly how he said it.)