Remember the show “Kids Say the Darndest Things” with Art Linkletter?  I stumbled upon some of the darndest things that my four kids said growing up.  Since Father’s Day was this month, I thought it would be fun to share with all of you fellow parents.

My wife, Tanja, and I, with our four kids: Hayden, Tate, Kayla, and Dexter circa 2000.

I have four kids: Kayla, 26; Hayden, 24; Tate, 21; and Dexter, 20.  I wasn’t the greatest at keeping track of all the things my kids did.  I probably should have recorded more events and taken more pictures, but one of the things I was good at was writing down funny sayings they said.  I’ve included some memorable quotes below.

My uncle shared a cool idea with me.  He suggested recording my kids once a year for 30 seconds each time.  Over the years I filmed each of my children at different ages. I started this when Kayla was 6 and Dexter was less than a year old.

I chose a spot for them to stand in the yard and would signal them when I was about to start the camera.  They could do or say anything they wanted in those 30 seconds.  During that time, I would remain quiet, and if there were others present they also had to remain silent.

Do you know what kind of pressure that is for a kid, to fill 30 seconds of video with a few people standing there watching them?  Some years were easy and they talked the whole 30 seconds.  Other years, the 30 seconds featured a kid standing there mad about having to do this.  Sometimes, they would just stand there and cry.  Whatever they did, we captured it on video and it is precious.

As I write this, I wonder why I ever stopped doing this.  You could do it for a lifetime!  At 100 years old, the video could be watched in 50 minutes.  Wow, that would be something to watch.  I am going to start it back up and I encourage you to do the same with your family.

Here are some funny things my kids said when they were little:

• Two-year-old Kayla once looked into my eyes and asked, “Dad, why do you have cracks in your eyes?”  referring to the red blood vessels in my eyes.

• At about the same age, Kayla had gotten up from bed to go the bathroom and Mom was helping her.  Kayla asked, “Mom, why is Dad watching TV with a spoon?” I was caught eating ice cream and she could hear the spoon scraping the bowl.

• Once during dinner, when Hayden was 4 and Kayla was 6, Hayden was only drinking a Coca Cola because he had eaten earlier.  Kayla told him to take off his hat.  Hayden said, “I am only drinking.”  I guess you don’t have to remove your hat at the table if you are only drinking something.

• Later at that same dinner, Kayla asked Mom if she could have some honey for the pizza crust.  Mom said, “Maybe.”  Hayden piped in and said, “That means no.”

• When Tate was 6, he and I were headed to get my car at a repair garage.  I had told Tate that yesterday, there was a dog behind the counter when I was there dropping off my car.  Then I told him that tomorrow, we were all going to see President Bush and I asked him if he would like to go.  Tate said, “Yeah, I would like to see him, but I really want to see the dog.”

• Later that year, Tate ate some spicy salsa and drank something to cool his mouth down.  He said, “Now my breath doesn’t hurt anymore.”

• When Dexter was 5, we were eating Chinese food and when he got his fortune cookie, he said, “I wonder what my past is?”

• Around the same age, Dexter told us a story about his dream in which he was being chased by a dinosaur.  Right as the dinosaur was going to eat him, Dexter would look up and say, “I love you.”  And the dinosaur would go away.

• We went to Six Flags when Dexter was 6, and he was about 2” too short for a big rollercoaster he wanted to ride with the rest of us.  We planned to return the next day, and while Dexter and I waited for the others to finish the ride Dexter asked, “Dad, will I be tall enough tomorrow to go on it?”

• Dexter was 7 and somehow the subject of adoption had come up at dinner, so we were discussing why kids are put up for adoption.  I said that sometimes the parents die in an accident or something.  Dexter asked if he would be put up for adoption if we died.  Mom said, “We have lots of family and friends who would take care of you.”  Dexter was very serious, thought for a moment, and said, “But I don’t know their telephone numbers.”

• When Dexter was 8, we had a deaf-mute man named Steve who worked for us at our store.  Dexter asked Mom, “If you are deaf, can you hear anything?”  Mom told him that you couldn’t.  A little while later Dexter came back and told Mom, “You are right.  I went behind Steve and said, ‘You idiot!’  And he didn’t hear me.”  Nice choice of words to test the theory if Steve could hear him!